New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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