oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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