he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
