someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
