oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
