Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
