I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
