So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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