I think my vagina is haunted
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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