It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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