just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
