i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
