Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
