Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
