he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
