I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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