On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i love accidental penises.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
