my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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