Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
