Do you still have your period?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
