if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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