his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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