sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
