Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
