literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
