He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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