You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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