Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
