the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My boob is missing a layer of skin
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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