his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
