I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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