This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
