I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
