Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
