They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
