If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
