how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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