My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
