She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
