just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize