i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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