CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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