You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
