There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize