Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
