is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
