Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
