I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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