Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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