Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize