We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
