what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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