i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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