Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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