I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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