I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
