this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
