im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
