u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
