i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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