Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Randomize
