And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is the prime rib incident all over again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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