True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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