I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
