just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
