I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
