I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
