You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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