I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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