There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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