So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize