So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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