we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I puked a lego.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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