im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
