How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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