I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
