Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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