I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
