She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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