my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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