No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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