My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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