Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize