Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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