i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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