i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
